We all had a great halloween this year, even though it was the coldest I can remember.

It seems like it's been a really busy fall. A bit too much for me...I'm trying to find a weekend we can spend at home, just hanging out. I have to schedule it!! But life is pretty good. I feel like things are somewhat returning to normal (my new normal).

The walk was a great success! Thank you to the walkers, donors and well-wishers. It was so great to have all the kids with us this year. I'm thinking of putting together a team to walk next year in the Waterfront Marathon, and raising money for Wellspring (Cancer Support). So think about joining us next year!

This week we got great news. The new drug I'm on is doing it's job. Not only are the tumors not growing, but they continue to shrink - a bonus! So the goal now is to be on this drug for as long as possible...as long as there is no progression. I will continue to have scans every 3 months to monitor things, and will continue with a healthy diet and supplements, as much as possible.

New York was amazing. We went for a family wedding, and enjoyed beautiful weather, time together with family, and a nice getaway. It's been a beautiful fall...but winter seems to be coming quickly! Time is always flying! Enjoy.

XOX

We're gearing up to do the CIBC Run for the Cure this Sunday. Mark and I, Zachary and Zoe will be joined by a bunch of other families from school...thanks guys...you are awesome!! Please feel free to visit the site and make a donation to our cause....every little bit counts.

I have a foot update: feet are feeling waaaaay better lately. I stopped the painkiller because I just don't want to be on it all the time. But I also started taking vitamin B6. It has made an unbelievable difference...I don't know why they didn't suggest it at the hospital. No pain this past round.

My eyelashes are growing back!!! I think that's more exciting than my hair, which is now almost an inch long. But its very grey, so I'm planning to colour it soon...shoppers drug mart colour...hardly seems worth a visit to the salon!!

Also, Happy Birthday Jen...all the way down under! Sorry I didn't call you this morning, and now its the middle of the night for you...but I'm thinking of you!

Kids are back at school! I've had a great week. It was so nice to see all my school friends. I also went to the gym, and for a great bike ride today. A few people have told me this week that I look really good. I guess the effects of chemo are finally beginning to clear out of my system, and my life is returning to a new normal. I still can't believe this is my life...but for today at least, things are good.

Still looking for a nanny...

Shana Tova!

It's the last day of August, and the summer is winding down. I'm looking forward to Friday...we're going to my friends cottage. It's my childhood friend, at the lake where we shared many adventures and growing pains. It wouldn't be a summer without a visit to Sharbot Lake.

I'm on to a new stage of this journey, having started an oral chemo. I had great expectations, as the drug is generally well tolerated. But the doctors never tell you the worst case scenario...and I always seem to meet up with Murphy! My new complaint is redness, heat, swelling and extreme pain in my feet. Hence my visit to the blog...I can't walk today, and I have to complain to someone. My kids don't listen, or don't care, so I'm searching for a little blog therapy!!

I'm also searching for a new nanny. My last one was fabulous at maintaining my house, but she left for a full time job with benefits. Please ask around for me, and if you know of anyone looking, please let me know. Sore feet aren't helping...Mark came home tonight, and for the first time in months, had to do some cleaning up, and make dinner.

School starts next week, and I'll be happy to get back to a routine again. I desperately need some exercise (again-sore feet aren't helping!), and my meditation practice has fallen off the schedule. But at the same time, I feel like our lives are somewhat returning to normal. When I'm having fun with friends I'm able to momentarily forget about our crappy situation, and just enjoy what we have now. So many friends and family have helped get me to this point...it wouldn't have been possible without you all.

It's official...I'm finished this course of treatment, and moving on to something new. This time, an oral chemo. I'm so excited to grow hair again!!

I have to do a bunch of scans to finish off the trial, and as a baseline for the new treatment. And I'll get my bone drug infusion on Friday, and every six weeks thereafter. But then I should be fairly free to enjoy the rest of the summer.

The kids have had a great month at camp. And we had a great getaway to Blue Mountain. We're planning to visit a few cottages and relax for the month of August. Enjoy the rest of the summer!

I've been feeling really good lately...more positive, and thinking towards the future. I think the fact that I had an extra week between treatments has done me a lot of good. That said, I had chemo yesterday, which usually kicks me down a notch! I was a little disappointed to have such a beautiful weekend, and not be going up north somewhere. But I'm looking forward to a visit with my aunt this week. I'm missing my Dad a lot these days, but I always feel like I get a little piece of him when I see her.

The kids have had a great relaxing break the last two weeks, and are looking forward to camp starting Monday...so am I - I have so many projects I want to get done.

The summer is already seeming quiet...keep in touch!!

Monday I saw my doctor. It's good news...I am still responding well to the treatment. So she still wants to give me some more chemo. We'll do 2 more rounds, and then more scans to see. The idea is to get as much mileage out of this chemo as possible. It's hard not knowing the plan... I'm still working on going with the flow!!!

However, my infection hasn't gone away yet. I ended up having my port removed on Monday, which is great...it's been a problem for three months! But I'm back on antibiotics, and I was back at the ER again, because it started bleeding. I hope it's on the mend now!!!!

My chemo was also delayed as a result...so I'm now scheduled for July 2nd, and 25th. Sucks that it runs into our very short and precious summer, but what can I do?! I'm hoping to still get in some cottage visits in August.

The kids are home now, enjoying pyjama mornings, playdates and movies. So happy the summer's here!

It's been a crappy week. I had to go to the ER again on Wednesday night...I have an infection in my port, so I've been on antibiotics, which took three days to kick in. I've been feeling tired, achy, frustrated, sad and emotional this week. Chemo is building up in my system and making me a wreck. I don't know how much more I can take. I had my latest CT on Thursday, and will see my doctor a week monday. Then I'll know what's next, if there's more chemo to come.

The worst part is that I missed a party tonight!

Zachary's birthday was on Thursday...my baby is 8! I can't believe it. Zoe had her choir show this week. She was soooo cute. Their last day of school is on Thursday. We are all looking forward to some down time, and no morning rush!

I had chemo # 6 yesterday...bloodwork was back to normal. I'm still feeling ok, and am planning to go out for dinner tonight with friends. Monday and Tuesday will probably be my worst days. I go for my next CT on the 10th. Unfortunately, that's also Zachary's birthday, so I'll miss having dinner with him, but will bring a cake home to celebrate. I am scheduled for round 7 on the 25th.

The kids finish school on the 17th. I can't believe how old they are getting...how time flies! We will enjoy 2 weeks off before they start camp for the month of July, and then we will just do a few small getaways to cottages, and maybe Boston in August. It's difficult to make too many plans without knowing what my treatment plans are, and it will be nice to just have some down time with the kids.

I wanted to also thank everyone again for all the help and support. Kara and Jane have been generously taking the kids home to play and for dinner on my treatment days, and this has been such a big help...thank you both. The whole Crestwood community has been so good to us, and it just makes me feel so good about our decision to go there. The kids and the families have been so warm and kind...Thank you all again...I can't express enough how much it has meant to all of us. We also have great neighbours that have done so much to help, always checking in. I especially look forward to my dog walks my friend...fresh air, exercise for Ollie and I, and the best of conversations! Thank you.
Also, family and friends have been taking me to chemo, and scans. This has been a big help for Mark, so he doesn't miss so much work, and it gives me time with others, and them an opportunity to see what I'm going through (good or bad!) Thank you everyone.

Have a great Weekend.

I was supposed to have chemo last Friday. Unfortunately, my liver enzymes were way too high, and they wouldn't give it to me. I had a cold while in Florida and took lots of Tylenol Cold...turns out that throws my liver enzymes out of wack! They said it's no big deal since we know the cause. But this also screws up all the planning I've made around my treatments, and puts me one week further into the summer. I just want to be finished with this chemo, so I'm frustrated that this happened. Oh well!!! I'm working with it!!
Kids only have 3 more weeks of school. I can't believe it. My babies are getting so old! It will be a busy few weeks, and then we'll have 2 weeks off before camp starts. Looking forward to the summer.

Florida was nice and relaxing. We really did nothing but sit by the pool and read. I can't say I love Miami, but the weather was perfect, and the resort was beautiful. The ocean was amazingly warm too! I also had a great massage at the spa...heaven!
But as nice as it is to get away, it felt good to come home to my routine, and my people! We missed the kids, and kept thinking how they also would have loved the pool.

I'm getting ready for round 6 tomorrow. I have to say that I'm getting really sick of it!!!! But it looks like I may have a 7 and 8 too...I can still do up buttons!!! Lucky me!!

Round 5 was last Monday...I have to say that this round was not as bad as previous ones. I seem to be managing the side effects better now. I spent one day in bed, and I'm now getting my strength back. It's amazing what it does to my muscles-even brushing my teeth hurts my arm! Today I went for a short walk, and I still tire easily. But I hope to be back to tennis and yoga this week.

I've been experimenting with scarves lately...don't like wearing the wig all the time. This weekend I don't even have it-it's in the shop for service!!! Mark doesn't like the scarves at all, but I don't mind them. I like hats better, but I don't have the right one, especially now that it's getting warmer - yeah!!! I'll try to post a picture sometime.

I have been taking a course called "The Healing Journey". It's all about using the mind to feel better, handle the stress of a cancer diagnosis, take control and hopefully improve healing. I love the course, and meeting so many other people going through similar experiences. I have already been working with relaxation techniques, and find them very helpful. Now we're starting meditation. This is work for me! I believe that I have not handled stress well over the last few years, and that this probably contributed to my recurrence. So I think its going to be very important for me to find ways to slow down, relax, let things go more, and be in the moment. I have already noticed a difference in how I feel, and particularly how I deal with the kids day to day. The challenge will be to find the time to meditate daily, and to remain committed to it.

Mark and I are off to Florida on Friday. Can't wait to just relax, spend time together, and take in the heat!!!

I'm feeling kind of chatty tonight! There's one more thing I wanted to share with you...

Last month there was an article in Chatelaine Magazine that featured 3 women with breast cancer. Unfortunately, Leanne Coppen lost her fight against metastatic disease on April 27. A friend of mine told me about her blog...an incredible expression of her fight, pain and fears, and I had been following her for the last few months. Leanne said, "Every time I put something out there, it’s no longer residing in me alone, building tension and choking me with fear." And I can relate to this. My blog started as a way to keep family and friends informed of what was happening. But it has become a bit more therapy for me too. I find comfort knowing that so many of you are reading it, and supporting me. If you are interested, and have a chance to read her blog, there is a link on Chatelaine.com.

Good night my friends.

Quick update: There's no change on my MRI, meaning that everything is fine...huge relief!
Enjoy Mother's Day this weekend!

I had a follow up with my oncologist today, and it was great news. The tumours in my liver have shrunk by 50% from where they started. It's all perspective I guess...still a shitty situation, but at least things are improving! But I still left the hospital with something to worry about. I have a bit of pain in my spine, so they're sending me for an MRI tomorrow...they're fast when they want to be. I hope that doesn't mean I should worry more... I did just have an MRI about a month ago.
I've been feeling pretty good lately. I started outdoor tennis, which is so much fun. The spring weather has been perfect!
I'm celebrating my birthday this weekend, and Mark's birthday, and Mother's Day. I had an early birthday lunch with girlfriends today...thank you ladies! Then I go for my next treatment on Monday. When I'm feeling better after this round, Mark and I are going to Miami for a few days...a much needed adult getaway!

Round 4 was Friday, and Wendy came with me this time. Everything went well, and we all had a great weekend with her and Kayla. But Monday arrived with aches and fatique. I felt like crap, and had to drag my butt to the hospital for a CT, which I get every 6 weeks. I wasn't great company for Dana, who sat kindly in a crappy roll away chair while I lay on an equally crappy bed, drinking my contrast die for an hour and a half. I guess it was expecting too much to think this round would be as easy as the last. But I am starting to feel a bit better today. My biggest problem is weakness, and I even find it hard just to sit upright. I don't know if it's the cancer in my bones that makes it difficult, or just weakness. But I hate feeling like this! Anyway, I have a busy week, so this is my last day of lying around!

I've been feeling so good this week...almost myself really. I did a yoga class this week, and played tennis yesterday, which I love, but haven't felt strong enough to play for 2 months.
Wendy and Kayla arrived yesterday. It's so great to have them here. Wendy and I are just getting ready to go to treatment number 4. They're staying till Sunday. Mark is also leaving on Sunday for 10 days in Hong Kong and China. I've had so much help from everyone, and I have Thelma here now, so I'm sure we'll be fine. I'm hoping I feel as good as I did after my last treatment.
I saw my doctor Wednesday. She is very pleased with how I'm doing, and said she may even give me a few extra treatments...maybe 8 in total. Gotta go...will update as soon as I can.
XOX

A few people were worried because I hadn't posted in a while. Sorry for that! Last round of chemo went really well, and I've actually been quite busy. I'm still a bit bruised from the port, but it made the chemo infusion easier. I had a few days of not feeling great, but not exhausted like in the past. I didn't even need to nap. I made it to our second Passover Seder on Tuesday, and it was really nice to get out. Although I don't always feel like it, I know I need to get out to see friends, and get my mind off cancer for a while. Some days I feel like I'm drowning in it. But now I feel pretty good, and will try to get stronger before the next round. Probably 3 more to go. I'm getting neuropathy (numbing in fingers and toes), and I'm worried how bad that will get. My doctor seemed ok with it if I can still do up buttons...what if I can't?! My hair stubble is still falling out, but at the same time, new hair is also growing in. And I finally gave up and shaved my legs this weekend. Doesn't that suck! You'd think if I have to be bald, at least I'd get a break from shaving.
We spent a day at a friends cottage over the weekend. It was great to get away from the city and just relax. Lake Simcoe was covered with ice still, making very cool sounds as it melted and broke up.
We also hired a nanny. Thelma started last week. My house is really clean! I was definitely less stressed with her here, so I hope it works out.
Thanks again for all the comments.

We got great news today...the tumours in my liver are shrinking! After only two treatments, my oncologist was mostly hoping to see that they weren't growing anymore. Of course, I was hoping for more than that. I am so happy to hear something positive, and know that at least these awful treatments are working...Chemopolitans, as Jen calls them! I've read that distance prayer can actually have an impact, so thank you everyone...keep sending them my way!
Next round is Friday...

We got home from Boston yesterday. It was nice to see so many people, especially Mark's parents, and Wendy, Steve, Michael, Jessie, and Kayla. The Bat-Mitzvah was great...Jessie did really well, the party was fun, and the kids all looked so beautiful. Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures. I guess I wasn't feeling up to it, and I was wearing really stupid shoes! So if anyone got some pictures, please send me a few. The travel and all the festivities tired me out more than I thought they would.
Sunday morning Mark left for Chicago, and I checked out of the hotel to go to Wendy and Steve's. Later that afternoon, exhaustion and the fear that I was getting sick overcame me, and I had a little break-down...ok...it was a big one! But Bunny and Wendy took very good care of me. They fed me chicken soup and sent me to bed...thank you for everything you did, and especially for giving up your bedroom for me while we were there. Our last two days were relaxing, and the kids all got to play together. Wendy and I also got to spend some time together, and she took incredible care of me. She even booked a seat on our flight home, so she could help me on the trip, and then went home in the evening. I'm sure I would have managed, but I was so grateful to have her with me.
We've decided to hire a nanny to help out at home. Just looking after myself is more than I can handle most days. If you know of anyone, please let me know.
Thank you again for all the kind emails. I'm sorry I haven't replied to many of them, but your support means so much.
Love, L.

Well, I managed to do most of my packing today. I'm looking forward to a little getaway in Boston. I'm still a little tired and cranky, but overall, round 2 of chemo was a hundred times better than the first. Here's a picture of my new wig, and my friend Alissa. Although I've buzzed my hair off, I still have tons of stubble, and my head is itchy and driving me crazy. I wish I was bald already!!! But the wig is beautiful.
Thank you for all the posts. I love reading them.

Well, my second round of chemo was yesterday. Apart from being long, everything went well. This time they have sent a home nurse for three days to give me extra fluids...hoping I will be less dehydrated, and feel better. I'm just a little tired, but for the most part feel good, although I hate this IV in my hand. I'll be going to get a port inserted into my chest, to facilitate access to my veins, so I won't have to get poked anymore. I seems kind of gross, but most people highly recommend them. That's on the 22nd.
Thank you again to everyone for a fridge full of food, and especially Alison for coordinating it all. Also to everyone for driving the kids, taking them for playdates, and taking me to appointments. It is all such a huge help.
Thanks for all comments, and votes on the hair too! I'll update you on the wig look soon.
All my love,
Lynne

My hair became a matted mass at the back of my head yesterday after my shower. I managed to make the front look good, and we went ahead with the family photo session. But then I went for an in between cut, before it all goes. I really like the cut...a style I had been thinking of doing for a long time. Who knows...maybe I'll cut the wig like this. Let me know what you think!

Little bits of hair have started to fall out. Once it starts, I remember well that it will go quickly. We're doing some family photos on Saturday...I want to remember my nice long hair! I just hope it holds on long enough, and survives one more blowdry!

Well, I did a yoga/fusion class today...my first exercise since chemo. It went really well, and I feel better having done it. But I have to say that I'm not bouncing back as quickly as I'd like. I also can't believe that my next treatment is only a week away, on March 3. Maybe next time will be better.
I have some shopping to do...must call on Carole! I have a BatMitzvah to be at soon, and I'm feeling completely unprepared! At least I have my wig! Btw, no hair loss yet.

It's been one week since my first chemo treatment. It pretty much knocked me off my socks! I've been extremely tired and achy. I think it has upset the kids a bit...they're not used to seeing their Mom like this.
So many people have helped. My Mom came by to look after me...do dishes, feed me lunch, and get dinner ready. She did that for 2 days...I know if she hadn't, I wouldn't have eaten. Then my friend Alissa came to take me for a walk on Wednesday, and ended up bringing fruit, doing dishes, and making dinner too. We are learning what we need, and will plan better for it before round 2, which is March 3.
Also, Val and Nancy have helped drive the kids to/from school, so Mark can get an extra few hours at the office.
People have been unbelievably helpful...thank you everyone. It means so much to me.
I also have to say that it's been so nice having a dog during this time. Ollie seems to sense that I'm sick, and lies with me often...it's so comforting.
I also picked up my wig yesterday (thank you again, Alissa!). I'm a bit anxious about how this hair loss thing will happen, given that we'll be in Boston after my second treatment. Anyway, tune in later for the before/after shots!!

We spent another day at the hospital yesterday. We learned that the cancer is in my spine and ribs; I have arthritis in my hips; and I've had bone density loss. I'm officially an old lady now!

This is upsetting news, however not surprising given that it's also in my liver. Fortunately, my lungs and brain are clear.

I begin chemo tomorrow afternoon...I'm anxious to get things started. I'm also glad that they were able to time my treatments so that we can go to Jessie's Bat-Mitzvah in Boston. It's just after my second treatment. I wonder if my hair will be gone by then? It's crazy, but I'm more upset about losing my hair this time. It looks really good these days!!

Thank you to everyone that has called. I'm sorry if I don't get back to you. I'm finding these last few weeks exhausing. Please feel free to try me again another time...it's not that I don't want to talk.

I also want to thank everyone for their incredible offers of help...I will take you up on it sometime I'm sure...and for the food that has been delivered so far. That alone is a huge help, and I appreciate it so much. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Last week we embarked on a new journey. One I never imagined I would walk...at least not this soon. We learned the devastating news that my breast cancer is back after 5 years. My heart breaks for my children.

The only thing we know for sure is that cancer has taken hold of my liver. We go tomorrow to find out the results of the many CTs and scans I had last week. We are all praying for the best possible news.

My oncologist, Rebecca Dent, gave us hope by saying that there are so many new treatments now, and that it will be like treating a chronic disease. So my first chemo treatment is on Friday. I will pick myself up and fight this thing with the help of Mark, Zachary and Zoe, a healthy diet, nutritional support, exercise, reduced stress (not sure how I'll manage this one!), and hope.

It's been really hard to share this information with all our family and friends. But I can't thank people enough for their incredible offers of help, support, and prayers. It will help get me through this journey.